How to Receive Feedback without Frustration
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Jürgen wants to cheer up his customer advisor, who is in difficult negotiations with customer X, and says with a pat on the back: "Be more confident!" She first looks at him in confusion and then at the floor, embarrassed. Finally, she stammers: "I'm sorry."
This is not at all the reaction Jürgen was expecting. Now he is also confused and wonders what was wrong. He wanted to cheer up, not criticize. He thinks "I'll just leave it at that" and trots off to his office.
We often feel like Jürgen. We give feedback and it is misunderstood. This example shows that even well-intentioned feedback can be completely misunderstood. In the worst-case scenario, as a manager you can jeopardize your relationship with your employees by giving clumsy feedback.
So should we do what Jürgen did and stop giving feedback? Absolutely not! Giving feedback is important and helps organizations move forward. We humans learn from feedback, it can motivate us and help us to better realize our potential.
As a manager, give feedback regularly and not just once a year! We'll tell you how to give feedback properly.
If you apply the following rules, your feedback will fall on open ears:
Are there too many rules for you? Then we recommend a quick method, the DEF rule. The three letters stand for: describe perception, explain effect, formulate wish.
The application is very simple and can best be illustrated with an example:
Instead of saying "You're going to be late for the meeting again", you say:
You will see that in the DEF version, the feedback has a completely different effect!
We would like to give you something important to remember at this point: Be aware that the feedback recipients are free to do whatever they want with your feedback. If they take your feedback to heart, then congratulations: you have achieved your goal!
If they throw your feedback to the wind, don't be disappointed. Feedback is not an order. It's up to the recipient what they do with it. But if you use your feedback correctly with the help of our rules, it will have an effect.
I'm sure you would now like to know what Jürgen would have done better if he had known the feedback rules. He would have formulated his feedback like this: "I can see that customer X is causing you difficulties in the negotiations. You're doing a great job. From my point of view, it's perfectly fine for you to represent our position confidently. Please come to me if you get stuck. I'll be happy to give you support."
Jürgen would also no longer simply give up if his feedback triggered a different reaction to the one expected. He would ask specific questions to ensure that his feedback was understood correctly.
What Jürgen can do now, you can do too!