Holidays: ‘Welcome to the jungle?’

23 December, in the morning. You wake up with a headache from the business dinner the night before. The post office has delayed delivery of your godchild's present, you're torn between salmon and beef for dinner on the 24th, and there are 18 messages waiting for you in the family WhatsApp group. Not to mention the ski equipment you need to hire for the children before the shops close. Your only wish right now is to go back to sleep and wake up on 1st January.

The Advent season is indeed a time of conflicting expectations: productivity and authenticity, celebration and relaxation... At the office, it's not easy to slow down between year-end financial statements, goals for the coming year and Christmas parties. At the same time, everyone is preparing their private lives for ‘successful holidays’, as if this success – perfect meals, unanimous smiles, magical moments – would confirm the meaning of an entire year. The pressure to be happy then creates a paradoxical stress: think about the obligation to be happy for five minutes and you'll probably end up even more depressed!

The pressure of socialising

In sociology, holidays are referred to as a moment of ‘collective ritualisation’ in which society celebrates itself. Even detached from their religious dimension, holidays retain this function of cohesion: they are meant to bring people together and resolve conflicts.

In reality, it's not that simple. Family gatherings can exacerbate existing vulnerabilities. Conflicts, bereavements, separations: the avalanche of socialising that descends on social networks at Christmas heightens feelings of alienation and loneliness. Similarly, collective rituals (company parties, gifts, meals) sometimes become social obligations, which reinforces the hypocrisy in relationships.

Finally, our fast-paced consumer society highlights financial inequalities. For some families, the pressure to buy presents puts them in the red or leads to feelings of guilt when they are unable to spoil their children as much as the shop windows suggest they should.

Mental load

Psychologically speaking, the Christmas season with its family preparations increases the ‘mental load’, especially for women, who are often responsible for organising the family while maintaining their professional performance.

The ‘mental load’ refers to the constant cognitive effort of always having to think about everything, even when you are not physically performing the tasks. This includes managing household tasks, organising the family, planning (thinking ahead, anticipating) and ensuring that nothing is forgotten.

It affects women more, who are often responsible for organising the family, even if the distribution of tasks appears ‘fair’ on the surface. At Christmas, this burden undoubtedly reaches its peak, as organising the holidays and even the vacations requires a great deal of attention to detail. Finding another gift for that person, reserving the meat for the meal, buying table decorations to match the Christmas tree... These are the little things that can make you feel dizzy when they're all listed one after the other.

Our tips for a more relaxed festive season

Here are some concrete approaches to get through this time without letting the pressure overwhelm you:

1. Don't blame yourself. Not feeling like ‘celebrating’ is not a failure. It's a signal. Listen to it. The holidays don't have to be perfect, they have to be real. If you need rest, allow yourself that rest as much as possible.
2. Limit the number of invitations. Nowadays, it's not unusual to celebrate Christmas four times in a few days, especially in blended families. Instead of concentrating everything at the end of December, suggest a later date to avoid feeling overwhelmed... and to spare your body from the excessive combination of alcohol and sugar.
3. Switch off at work. During the holidays, work requests often decrease. In this case, there's no need to work twice as hard to get everything done before the holidays: the world isn't going to end on 31 December! Clearly inform your colleagues and team about your absence and stick to it. Turn off notifications and set up an out-of-office message.
4. Keep meals simple. There's no need to try to please everyone and organise the ‘perfect Christmas’. One idea if you're inviting guests is to ask everyone to bring something. Otherwise, simple and convivial dishes such as fondue are popular and require little preparation. There's also no rule against ordering dessert from the bakery instead of making it yourself.
5. Gifts: less is more. Introduce a family Secret Santa gift exchange. This way, each person only has to buy one useful and durable gift instead of racking their brains over ten useless gadgets. What works well: giving experiences (vouchers, trips) instead of objects.
6. Create moments of relaxation. Between meals, the holidays are also a time to treat yourself: watch an old Christmas film on the sofa or go for a walk in nature. It's important to plan in some buffer zones where you can relax.
7. Integrate instead of exclude. Doing good for others is very satisfying. If you are fit and surrounded by people, this is a good opportunity to think about those who are not. An invitation, a message or a visit can mean a lot.
8. Listen to your body. The holidays are also about eating, drinking, laughing and walking. Listen to your body: rest, sleep, breathe. The body is often the first to say stop when the mind refuses to accept it.